Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Rag Sex

Sex on the rag - everyone has considered it at one time or another. You're with a girl, really horny, making out with her, and doing some heavy fondling only to find out that she has a tampon shoved up her snatch, blocking your penis's way of entry. It's quite the situation to be in. Most men give up trying to have sex with the girl for that night and settle for a hand job instead. Even though she's leaking a bloody unused potential child out of her cooter, is it still worth trying to go the extra mile to nail her? Fisty and Cocoa decide whether rag sex is just plain wrong or worth every blood-soaked tampon-filled second.

Fisty Fillmore's Take:
Nothing is worse than the infamous murder scene. When I have sex, I like to leave as little stainage as possible. Sure, with sex you'll have a little bit of white vagina juice staining your bed sheets or the bottom of your shirt if you didn't take it off, but that washes out easily. Blood, though, doesn't come out. That's a real stain. If you ever fucked a girl on the rag in your car, not only should you get slapped, but you should get a steam cleaner. That will stink up your car and it will leave a lasting reminder of the time you nailed that skanky chick with a bloody cooter, you sick, sick bastard.

The period isn't just blood...I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's not just blood. The more I think about it, the more I want to puke. You know how your nose is a few hours after a nose bleed? You've got some blood still up there, scabs and bloody boogers. That's pretty much what'll be on your dick if you fuck a girl on the rag. Not to mention that most of the blood-paste will be on your balls and the base of your penis. The condom will just be a little rust-stained, but your balls will receive the worst of it. After all your balls have done for you, this is the thanks they get?

The "good" thing about girls on the rag is that they are always willing to tell you when they're bleeding. They try to act like they're embarrassed about it and not directly say it, but they want you to know. You asked them what they've been up to, they'll say right off the bat "went to the store to get some woman supplies", meaning tampons, or else they'll say that they've had such a bad day and mention something about how Aunt Flow is visiting or some other disgusting euphemisms that dumb chicks think are cute. As dumb and annoying as this is, at least you know you won't be surprised. How bad would it be if you got a chick naked then as you went to bang her, you were just bashing your tip against a tampon? So at least they tell you that they're on the rag, and if you were planning on nailing her that night, you better reschedule for a few days later. If she wants you to nail her while she's bleeding, make up some kind of excuse like that you are working late that day, aliens are invading, or you have sex with a girl unless she takes you out to a fancy dinner first.

When I have sex and there's blood, it better be because she's a virgin. I nailed this chick once and she bled all over the University of Michigan's bathroom floor. I would've been very angry at her for getting blood all over my junk had it not been blood caused by my rockin' penis breaking her hymen. It looked like a slaughter house in there, almost like I stepped onto the set of a slasher film. After we finished, she ran into the stall to clean herself and I was left with the mess on the floor. The only time I'll clean up any blood after sex is after a deflowering. And I didn't even really clean that up, just threw a couple paper towels on the floor and called it good.

Glen Cocoa's Take:
Really? There's nothing wrong with sex on the rag. If you don't want to do it when the chick's cranked up to full flow, then that's just fine. But if the girl's at the end of her period and she's not geysering blood out of there, a few streaks aren't gonna hurt your penis. In fact, just think of them as racing stripes. Maybe it'll mentally help you bang her faster...makes your dick look streamlined and cool, like a Weinermobile painted up for a drag race in the 50s.

And you don't have to cover your bed in drop cloths like you're about to perform a dismemberment. A set of red sheets or a red towel, no matter how moronic and overused it sounds, will actually work great. If she's only a little spotty, you can bang however you want and just make sure that when you pull out, your dick's near the towel. The heavier the flow is, the more careful you have to be that you stay above the towel, and the more limited you are in the moves that you can do. You're not gonna want her to be on top when she's in the middle of her period - the blood will start to flow over your balls and follow your taint all the way to your asshole, like when you're trying to pour some Kool-Aid from a pitcher and it just runs down the side instead. But when she's toward the end of her rag, and it's just getting slow and more brownish, feel free to toss her all around. Of course, don't bang her near your pillow in case you have a streak that decides to rub off on something. Just be mindful of what you've got painted on your shaft, and you're good to go.

The shower is always a good place to do some bloody bonin'. As long as you're fine with seeing a few murder smears against the wall, you should have no problem. This is good for any verocity of flow, even heavy. With a heavy flow, when you're banging in the bedroom, the girl will have to pull her tampon out in the bathroom then run to the bedroom quickly and hope that no blood starts to drip out by the time she gets there. And once she's there, you have the whole towel/sheet situation mentioned above to worry about. When humping that blood shooter in the shower, she can flush her tampon and jump in the shower before you even get in there. And, according to a lot of girls, they actually stop bleeding as much once they get in the shower. And just think, even if she's not on the pill, you shouldn't have any worries when raw dogging her, since all that precum just gets mixed in with the blood and shooed right out with the rest of it.

Boning a girl on the rag is awesome because you don't have to worry about hurting her. When she has cramps that feel like her liver and pancreas are having a fistfight, with her ovaries caught in the middle, she sure as hell isn't going to bitch about you pulling her hair too hard. And you know that sweet move that you do when you're pissed off at her, where you put her one leg up and shove your dick all the way as hard as you can, and she yells when your tip hits whatever the fuck's in there? You can do that move, and she probably won't notice that pain over the cramps she's having. And if you really want to live in fantasy land, then the bloodier the better; when you stare down at the blood smeared from your belly button down to your thighs and all over her cooter, tell yourself that it was from fucking her so hard that you just tore the fuck out of her. Or, even better, tell yourself that there was a baby in there and you bashed it to shit and that's why she's so bloody. Mind over matter, my good friend.

Fisty's Retort:
Why would you want your balls and shaft covered in coagulated blood? Rag time is a great time to make her give you a blow job. Finally you can watch some TV and have it all be about you. Why would you even want to think about pleasing her while she's on her period? What's wrong with you? Girls get pleasure from sex and it relieves period cramps when she does the dirty deed; why would you want to relieve her pain? You're suffering because you have to put up with her bitchiness and bloody vagina for the past few days, it's time she pleases you.

Fucking in the shower just doesn't work, whether you're humping a bleeding vagina or not. I don't know about you, but fucking standing up is incredibly awkward. I get bow-legged and shit. It just doesn't work out too well, eventually I'll get tired and will want to sit down. Not only that, but the blood running down both of our legs and hanging out around the drain is enough to sink my boner into the ground. And that's if she has a good shower. If it's at the girl's place, the drain will be clogged. The girl's long hair will have clogged up that drain, so after a few minutes of shower sex you'll have a nice little pool of bloody water around your feet. Yeah, that sure sounds arousing.

Cocoa's Retort:
Rag sex is some of the best you can have. Girls are horny as fuck when they're on the rag. When the blood starts gushing, their hormones start flowing. Girls are always horniest right before their period starts and into the first day or two. They may feel like they're being fisted because their cramps hurt so badly, but at the same time, they're super horny. And since most of their exes were pansies and refused to bang her while she was on the rag, she's never known the joys of it. Think about it - she's already super horny, then you add to it your awesome work on her, kissing her neck, biting her shoulder, etc...and before you know it, she'll be squirting blood in her most worked-up orgasm ever.

And it's bad enough that you have to deal with the girl being on the rag anyway. She's going to be moody and complain about her cramps all the time. You can't just randomly finger her when she's making dinner like you usually do, and your bathroom is going to have that weird smell it always does when a girl on the rag is around. So are you going to let her period get in the way of you getting laid too? Fuck no. The other things, you don't really have any control over. But if you let some blood get in the way of you getting laid, then sir, you just aren't a real man.

Fun Reading:
Another debate about rag sex!
An important question about rag sex
An awesome drink recipe

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Child Labor vs. Slave Labor

Both slave and child labor are pretty much hated by the entire world for unknown reasons. Why is there such ill will towards these hard workers? Slaves formed the backbone of America while children were upfront during the industrial revolution. This just shows that slave and child labor are both very helpful and very useful, despite their taboo. We at Man Debates dig doing shit the old-school way (with the exception of women grooming and porn), but we got stuck on whether we should use child labor or bring back slavery. We debated it out and documented it for your pleasure. Fisty! Cocoa! Go!

Fisty Fillmore's Take:

Kids aren't good for anything these days, so we need to make them good for something. As gay as it sounds, kids are the future. I care about my species and I don't want humanity to become a bunch of pussified morons. That's why child labor is the way to go. Not only is it efficient, but it also helps out the human race in the long run. Kids get everything handed to them and they still whine and cry. The children of this generation are selfish assholes who need to learn some responsibility. You know what happens when kids don't learn responsibility? You know the old creepy door greeter at Wal-Mart checking out all the 12-year-olds that come by? Yep, they'll be lucky if the pinnacle of their lives is being that guy.

Around the turn of the last century, kids knew responsibility and how to provide for their families. Parents had it made; after the dad got his legs blown off during the Spanish-American War, he just got to lay back while his five-year-old worked in the coal mines. The kids who worked in the coal mines grew up to be champions of human achievement. The reasoning is simple: working in the coal mines was a rough as fuck job. The weaker and more pansy kids died pretty quickly by being crushed to death or getting the black lung. Only the hardest working and truly manly survived. You know what those kids became? Nazi killers. You know what the kids of today will become? The people on Jersey Shore.

I honestly despise kids. When I see kids in public walking around and being useless, I think, "Why aren't you doing manual labor? Make me some Nikes or something, you lazy asshole". If a kid loses his arm making my shoes, I'll love those shoes and wear them everyday. I will be filled with joy knowing that a child was severely wounded while making something that my smelly-ass feet step in dog shit with. I'll show my friends and family, "Hey! Ya know little one arm Billy from down the road?! He lost his his little arm making these sweet sneakers!" I'll be the envy of the town.

I dig child labor because traditional American slavery just doesn't have enough staying power. Slavery was done away with back in the 1860's, while child labor kept kicking ass well into the 20th century, and it still prospers overseas. This is because the only people who liked slavery were a bunch of rednecks who proudly raised the confederate flag while raping their sisters. Rednecks can never do anything right; that's why the Confederacy lost and that's why slavery went down the shitter. Why support something that only rednecks support? If you support slave labor, you might as well support incest, moonshining, the bible being taught in public school, living in a trailer park, country music, not washing, and square dancing as well. Child labor, on the other hand, is loved and accepted by everyone worldwide.

On top of all that, I can kick a kid's ass, but I'll be damned if I could kick a slave's ass. I can whip a child into working, and I won't have to fear a bunch of kids getting up and starting a revolt. If they tried anything I could just take their toys away and punch them in the scrotum that doesn't even have anything in it yet. But with slaves? Fuck yeah, I'll have to worry! You have a bunch of black dudes (or Jews if you plan on building some pyramids or something) working outside constantly, lifting heavy shit and pretty much getting strong as hell. I'm a skinny white dude who doesn't own any guns. I wouldn't stand a chance.

Glen Cocoa's Take:
"Rome wasn't built in a day." Nor was it built by children. The greatest things ever built throughout history were built by slaves. Pyramids? Slaves built them. The Coliseum? Again, slaves. Greece? Slaves. For christ's sake, slaves even fought in the Civil War for the south! How fucking sweet is that? They are so damn awesome that they'll risk their lives to stay slaves. What do your kids do when you force them to do labor? That's right, they do your dishes and mow your lawn. Congratulations, you've turned your son into a Mexican.

Slaves are the way to go. With a kid, you have to spend years whipping his ass into shape. And then what? He does your bidding for a while, then he moves on. Though he may be manlier than bear pubes and will hopefully dominate his wife in every way possible, he still moves on. Slaves, though, they work forever. And you barely even have to train them. Either you own that slave's parents, or you won this slave in with a lucky hand of poker. Either way, he's getting broken in by someone else. So you save the training period, and you keep that fucker till the day he dies. What's even better - slaves make you new slaves! How much sweeter can that be? Can a slave go to the doctor and get on the pill? No. Can a slave buy condoms? No. Their only birth control options are pulling out and gutting a cat to use the intestines as a condom. They're making plenty of new field plows for you.

And how much work can a child really do? Slaves are big fellas. They're bred from long line of badasses. Slaves work all fucking day and get big and strong. Kids are short and weak. Sure they can make shit, but slaves are genetically engineered to have endurance. You pit a slave and a child against each other in a boxing ring, and who do you think is going to win? That's right, my slave will dominate your child, and not in the sexy way. Slaves do awesome shit all the time, like sing and dance. They don't bitch about their work - they just sing some old-ass work song, and they're fine. Kids, on the other hand, bitch all the time, then ask you why they're getting boners out of the blue.

On top of everything else, slaves are awesome because you know they'll never do anything to revolt. Let's face it, slaves are so used to slavery, they don't even give a shit anymore. Non-enslaved black people are more pissed about slavery than the slaves themselves were; they should just go back to being slaves, then they'd be happier. In the 1850s in South Carolina, for instance, there were many counties in which slaves accounted for 70% or more of the total population. Even if they only comprised 20% of the population, they were still big and strong enough that they could have led a hell of a revolt. But did they? Fuck no. Although they had a huge advantage and could easily have slaughtered their masters and their neighbors, they did nothing. I would have no fear of my slaves rebelling against me. Kids, on the other hand, listen to Marilyn Manson and watch MTV and are programmed to fight the man. I want my worker to be docile and complacent. Kids are wiley little twits and think rebellion is cool. Fuck them. I'm sticking with my slaves.

Fisty's Retort:
Everyday in the news I hear about the childhood obesity "epidemic". If we actually made kids go out and shovel some coal for 16 hours-on-end they may actually work off some of that fat. I go into Wal-Mart all the time and see a kid who looks like he'll have a heart attack by the time he's ten. It pisses me off. If that kid dies, then that's a waste of good and cheap labor. That morbidly obese kid could be making me some Transformers action figures to add to my collection. It saddens me to think about.

If we have kids work in sweat shops here and take all the jobs that no one else wants, then Mexicans will eventually stop coming over here. They won't be able to mow the lawn, clean sperm-soaked blankets from motels, and sell oranges on the sidewalk because all the five-year-olds will already be doing it. Eventually Mexicans won't be able to find anything worth a damn here and stop coming over.

Mothers would love child labor; having kids plow the fields, make shoes and dig up some snazzy coal in the mines. Times are tough these days and the fewer kids that come back alive, the less she has to cook. And let's be honest here, would you really want black people hanging around your house? At least when you have kids, you know that it'll only be more white people you'll have to be around.

Why do we force kids to make shit in China anyway? So we can save money by exploiting children? Exactly. China has been doing up child labor for years, and look at them. Everyone buys their products, they have a great economy, not to mention there's a lot of Asian chicks in China. Let's recap here: with child labor you get a great economy, trade networks with the world and Asian chicks. With slave labor you get...Detroit...hmm...wow.

Cocoa's Retort:
You go on making kids do your work...for ten years. Then when they're not kids anymore, you'll have to get new kids. I'll just stick with my slaves - they'll do my work work all day, then go back to their huts and bang and produce my new little slaves. Kids don't reproduce themselves. You have to create them, then you have to raise them. At least with slaves, you're perfectly within your rights to keep them out of your house. They do all your work for you, and you never even have to see them. Kids, however, have to sleep in your house. You have to buy food for them, and you have to take them to the doctor. If the slaves insist on coming into your house, you can just burn a cross on the lawn to keep them at bay. That sure as shit doesn't keep a child away from the house. I've tried.

Granted, if you own slaves, people are bound to call you weird things like "racist". That's an easy fix, however. Just run outside, bang one of your slaves, and bam! problem solved. Would a racist bang a black person? I think not...they may even compare you to Thomas Jefferson, one of the greatest Americans who've ever lived. If someone calls you a child abuser, can you go nail your son while he's sewing you a baseball mitt? Well, probably. But it would take a lot of lube and fingering first, and most likely there would be some bleeding. Way too much work to prove somebody wrong. If we've learned nothing else from the Catholics, we should at least have learned that kids are horrible creatures to have sex with. George Washington banged slaves, and did anyone care? Fuck no. He had slaves do all his work for him so he could spend his time doing more important shit, like winning a war and creating a country. Would he have been able to do all that if he had to boss some stupid-ass little kids around all day?

Fun Reading:

Child and slave labor + chocolate?
Americans fund slave labor
Kids making Nike shoes
A picture of hard working kids