Monday, September 21, 2009

Chicks With Kids

Times certainly aren't how they used to be. The divorce rate is considerably higher since a generation ago, the marriage rate is getting lower every year, and the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate of any industrialized nation in the world (and unfortunately, only approximately 35% of teen pregnancies end in abortion). We noted the "teen pregnancy" rate because, let's face it, if you're banging women who are old enough to drink, vote, and have their own passports, you obviously have no game and therefore this debate shouldn't apply to you. Nonetheless, these aforementioned factors result in an uncanny amount of young, unwed mothers roaming our villages. Should you bang all these young mothers? Can these mothers handle some new wood? You be the judge!

Fisty Fillmore's Take:

Chicks with kids are something that no one should ever want to get into. They are women with baggage in more than one way. Not only do they have that damn kid sucking whatever amount of life they have left out of them, but they always, for some reason, are completely nuts. You may think that a girl with a kid might want a one-night-stand to get away from her kid for a night, but no, she doesn't want fly-by vagina plowing; she wants a husband/father for her child. If you bang her, she is going to expect a wedding ring, bring up how you need to get to know/love her kid, accept the fact that she's a mother, meet her parents, like her family, let her move in with you, actually talk to her, yadda yadda yadda. The only thing you are interested in is your penis in her baby-hole, and that's not even that awesome.

When a baby pops out of a cooter, it devastates it. If a mother says that her vagina is just as tight as it ever was, she is a lying whore and should be beaten with a heavy blunt object, preferably the candlestick in the conservatory. You've heard about throwing a hot dog down a hallway; well, sticking your man-sausage into her meat locker will feel a lot like tossing a toothpick into the Grand Canyon. What do you expect? You have a small hole that can only stretch to about a couple inches in diameter for your wood, and then you have a shaved monkey popping through there that's a least a foot or so in diameter. It can heal, but not that much. And if she gets a C-section, then she'll have a big-ass scar on her stomach. Not something that I'd like to look at while I'm laying pipe on some broad.

If a girl breast feeds, then she'll have some gross boobs. You have a little baby sucking and squeezing all day on the boobs that you should be sucking and squeezing on. They get stretched and pulled until they're floppy and rubbery. Here's an image to think of: you go to suck on her tits during some not very satisfying sex, you bite on her nipple and it's very much like taking a bite out of an extremely cheesy pizza. You could seriously choke her with her own nipples, that's how stretchy they are. Remember Stretch Armstrong? Yeah, imagine if he had nipples.

Aside from the sex, her kid, or kids, are fucking annoying. They will always be crying, wanting their mom to pay attention to them, feed them, take them to the hospital and various things that you couldn't care less about. They will cock-block you every chance they get. You get excited about boning some girl and then her kid will be knocking at the door wanting attention or crying at the top of its lungs in its crib. Fucking kids, can't they go 20 minutes without their mom being in the room? Fuck them! If their kids are in a three mile radius and are alive, you will not be getting laid that night, my friend.

Once a girl gets pregnant, she immediately gets knocked down six hotness points. If she's a perfect ten, she's a four now! If she's a two, she's now a negative two! She will be immediately less bangable and more annoying after she's popped out a kid. She'll become a "mother" and walk around with a false sense of importance. In reality, she isn't important at all. Chances are she has no job (other than stripping) and she leaves the kid with her mom while she goes out and parties. What a great mom. Despite how small of a role that she actually plays in the kid's life, the kid will always be in the picture. This, in return, will drag her down and make her less appealing in every way imaginable.

Glen Cocoa's Take:
Come on, man, we both know broads who have had kids. One 19-year-old mom was even telling me how all her friends basically ditched her once she had the kid and nobody wanted to hang out with her anymore. Even her husband doesn't want to bang her. She says that her friends just don't understand that she has to be home at a certain time, can't do certain things, etc, because she has a kid. This is often the case with moms. Most younger moms are slutty - because let's face it, that's why they ended up with the child in the first place. Because they're sluts, most men think of them solely as pieces of ass anyways and don't respect them, and once the broads have kids, they are no longer a viable piece of ass, and now these girls who are used to being able to have any guy they want can't get anyone.

This is where you come in.

We all know that chicks with low self esteem are the easiest broads out there, and when the high school football team's former finger puppet is now vaginally devastated, you need to fly in and swoop her up into a world of crazy sex. She's used to being date raped by a different jock every night and now the only man parts that have been in her vagina recently are the doctor's hands when he tried to yank that bitter little critter out of there. She's having sex withdrawals and will fuck like a banshee when she gets you into bed. Hell, she'll even let you piss on her if it means your unclothed penis is within a couple feet of her face. Sure, she may get attached way too quickly and assume you're going to be her future husband the moment she grabs your penis, but when you up and leave and never call her bloated ass again, she'll understand. Whether or not she's a good mother, she's still a mother, and she's seen men dart plenty of times before. Shit, after blasting her placenta onto the hospital floor and being beaten by her baby daddy, only to be subsequently used and abused by multiple men who never got to bang her in high school while she was actually still hot, there's probably not a whole lot you can do that would stun or hurt her.

When you're fooling around with younger or inexperienced girl, she may complain about moves hurting, bitching that you're pulling her hair, or saying you're her first love and that she wants to be with you forever. A broad with a child can handle any kind of sex move you try on her, and she has the episiotomy scars to prove it. A regular girl (since broads with kids can no longer be called "regular") might complain about being choked or slapped during sex, but after a girl has her vagina literally ripped open, a little slapping doesn't seem too painful.

And since she's a young unwed mother, she likely has several sources of income - easy money for her. Odds are high that she's a stripper. In that case, she'll have lots of money. Even better, she may just be using stripping as a good way to pick up new clients for her side business of prostitution. Even more lucrative. Even if she claims that she'll never degrade her body like that, she's at least getting child support from somebody. No matter what the situation, she will likely have an abundance of money on her at all times, and since this is money she didn't technically have to work for, she won't hold on it too tightly. Better yet, if she's bitter at her baby daddy, it should be pretty easy to talk her into spending all her child support money on you just to spite that fucker.

Fisty's Retort:
Surveys have shown that if you spend your time reading a website about circumcision and rape, you most likely have manipulated a junior high girl into giving you a twisty. Sadly, young mothers tend to have the ugliest of babies. Take a look at all the girls you went to high school with who had kids either before graduating or a year or two after. How many of them have had cute kids? Very few, if not none. How many have fat kids because they feed them too much? How many of those kids look like the result of a walrus making love to cabbage patch kid? Odds are, you won't be having any accidents until five or six years after these girls do, so when your son is graduating from college and wants to bang a high school girl to celebrate, none of the children from the young mothers will be up to his standards.

These women are shitty, too. They're so shitty that a man will actually pay half his paycheck to not be around her. What does this say about the girl when someone is willing to work over forty hours a week just for the freedom of not spending his time with her? It says a lot about how stupid, annoying and/or how much of a bitch she is. The ironic thing is that these guys leave these broads to go spend even more money to get another chick with a kid to get naked. Yet, I digress.

You won't even want to stick it to one these girls after a while because she will not shut up about her kid. "Oh my kid is so amazing! I love my kid! My kid is so sweet, she never cries." That's because your kid is autistic. Now shut the hell up and put out. Every mother thinks that her kid is a genius and so cute, when in reality her kid is an ugly troll that shits itself. If her kid isn't building rockets and finding a cure for cancer, then it's not amazing. Oh, your kid doesn't cry? Good job! I don't cry, do I get a medal? The truth is, girls with kids aren't interesting at all. This is why they're pregnant and single in the first place. They aren't interesting to talk to, so they're not worth being friends with, so the only thing that they can offer people is sex.

On top of everything else, these girls are usually morons. They are stupid because they boned without a condom, didn't use birth control or are too stupid to realize that you aren't supposed to take antibiotics when you're on it. Another reason why they're stupid is after they did get knocked up, they didn't get an abortion! Anyone with two brains cells knows that if you're gonna have a kid with someone you barely know, vacuum that little fucker out of there. It's not rocket science. The bottom line is that these girls are too stupid to even put up with for more than half a microsecond, and in return, should be avoided at all costs.

Cocoa's Retort:
Although I hate to bring it up, broads with kids are useful if you're looking to get married. Now now now, I'm not saying you should be looking to get married, but let's say you have a reason for getting married young. For example, you have a terminal health condition that will leave you crippled and in a wheelchair by the time you're in your mid-thirties. In that case, you're definitely going to want some people who are legally and/or morally obliged to push your ass around and provide for you all day. And if you have to get married, a chick who already has kids is the way to go.

As I mentioned before, a chick who already has kids is either getting child support, government assistance, or both. Many men who date girls with kids often resent the fact that they're raising some other man's child. I dare you to look at it the other way - see it as the other man raising your child. It's the best. He pays for most of the child's things, and he takes the kid away from you on weekends, so you have some quality time to spend without the little fucker annoying you. In addition, the kid will have another set of aunts, grandparents, etc. to watch him when needed. It's definitely the way to go. How many other men can say that they don't pay for any of their kid's necessities and they have a plethora of family members to pawn the kid off on? In addition, you don't have to deal with the year that the mother's pregnant and healing from the pregnancy. The other guy had to deal with all that.

Fun Reading:
Birth stories from young mothers
Single mothers who have given up finding love
Where to find an abortion clinic in your area

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